15 Things Jesus Never Said

Most people really wished Jesus said any of these things but He never said anything even close to them at all.

  1. This is sort of like my body.
  2. I am a way, a truth and a life.
  3. Everybody will totally like you for being my follower.
  4. Dear woman, why do you tell me they have no more wine? Do you not know I never listen to your intercessions?
  5. YOLO (i.e. You Only Live Once)
  6. You should never talk about religion in public. It’s uncomfortable and rude.
  7. Get with the times.
  8. It doesn’t really matter what you do so long as deep down inside you’re a good person.
  9. …and teaching them to obey whatever they like best from what I said.
  10. Your sins are forgiven. Feel free to continue leading a sinful life.
  11. This is your best life now, live your dreams. Unleash your full potential, buy material goods and make yourself happy.
  12. Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not… unless they are illegal immigrants.
  13. I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine. You did for me… Except for all those lazy homeless people who won’t get a job. Don’t worry about them. They’re scary looking and they don’t count.
  14. We can’t feed all these people. That would only create dependency.
  15. After Confirmation, you guys are done.